They say things come in threes and this week I have been challenged by three inanimate objects. First to turn up its toes was the washing machine. This actually occurred before I went away but this was the first chance to tackle the problem. Turn it on and not a whimper, not a light, nothing. I am quite handy in my own way, so I try fuse changing, a different plug socket, putting a different appliance in that socket, all seems fine but still no response from the machine. The next steps required dragging the machine out; although I would normally tackle this, my back was twinging so I summoned assistance. Randomly, by the time he arrived the ‘dead’ machine had woken up and every available light was flashing wildly but not a button had any effect. The only way to stop the light-show was to unplug it. We de-fuzzed the thingy, we checked the pipe wasn’t blocked, we consulted You-tube, we chatted to ‘Toby’ online. At Toby’s suggestion, we held down buttons for 30 seconds to reset it – zilch. Today the ‘not-actually-going-to-repair-it’ man arrived and pronounced the condition terminal. I have already done one load of washing by hand and the weather isn’t conducive to getting non-spun washing dry, so if I appear in strange garb you will know why.
Next, the car. I arrive back from THE Genealogy Show with the caravan and go to drive my own car home from where the caravan lives and where the car has been parked whilst I have been away. I press the button to open the door – no response. I try the key. The door unlocks and then instantly relocks. The only way I can gain entry is to open the passenger door using the key and then climb across. This isn’t exactly easy, as it is a very small car. I drive home with the window open, just in case none of the doors open when I arrive. To add to this problem, I normally park my car up a drive, which means I need to put the passenger door hard against a hedge. This clearly isn’t an option when the passenger door is the only way in and out. A garage agrees to take a look. I have four days to get a very long ‘to-do’ list done, or it won’t be done until mid-July. I can ill-afford time to go to the garage half an hour away but needs must. Unfortunately, an accident has closed the main road. Even more unfortunately, the alternative route involves two sets of roadworks. It takes 1½ hours to drive 12 miles. The repair is going to take longer than I have, so it is home via a tortuous route, which is marginally quicker than the advised diversion and then repeat in reverse three hours later to collect the car, which is (sort of) fixable – ‘it may not last long you probably need a new something or other’.
I am due to spend a day selling books. At the NEC my gadget for taking card payments let me down. I need this to work. Again I try the online chat; this one is ‘Sabina’. Sabina suggests I ring what is probably a ridiculously expensive premium rate number. Half an hour later a very patient ‘Andrew’ has talked me through what is required. He must be dining out on our conversation along the lines of , ‘you will not believe this thick woman I had on the line today….’ The process involved the use of a mobile phone. As you know, mobile phones and I are not friends. Even if we were before we certainly aren’t now. ‘Is Bluetooth on?’ asks Andrew. Now I am not a complete dinosaur, I know what Bluetooth is, turning it on is another matter. ‘Ah, the app has been updated’, says Andrew. ‘Just delete it and re-install it.’ ‘Just’ is a funny old word isn’t it? It seems ‘Just’ can take a very long time and it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the end of the adventure. What followed ‘Just’ necessitated me punching in a sequence of eight numbers very quickly; not quickly enough it seems. ‘Faster,’ urges Andrew as I make my nth attempt. Finally, it is accomplished.
Next day and I am ensconced in the Visitors’ Centre in Clovelly, hoping to persuade attendees at the Charles Kingsley anniversary commemorations to part with money in return for one of my books. I am stationed by a stand that sells inspirational ‘soothing’ CDs. I quickly work out that I can change the CD, so I can lose the whale music. The bad news is that virtually every track involves the sound of running water, with the inevitable effect. I am also forced to try to avoid looking at an apostrophic howler all day. I do suppress the urge to go and correct the notice! Nonetheless it is an enjoyable day, chatting to visitors and an unbelievable number of dogs and even selling some books as well.