Christmas preparations time and I have my tree early this year. Ok, so I admit it, it was slightly larger than my house. There is photographic evidence of it being bent round the three foot square that is my ‘hall’ and in to the living room. I debated starting a trend for horizontal Christmas trees but couldn’t face a month of not having any floor space so had to turn the living room into a wood yard. An interesting exercise, trying to saw the bottom off a Christmas tree once it is indoors. In fact I am sure I did mutter something along the lines of ‘why don’t we saw the bottom off it before we take it in?’ but maybe I didn’t mutter quite loudly enough. It is now in place and partly decorated. I do seem to have neglected to find the tinsel during my foray into the loft to unearth the decorations but that can be rectified, providing of course that the pipe lagging eating rodent that has been inhabiting my loft doesn’t fancy tinsel for dessert.
I have been making Christmas cake and puddings, oh and chutney. These are officially the only things that I can cook. Went well except I did keep wondering why the mixer wouldn’t work, only to find that hadn’t plugged it in. In my defence, this may have been after I had consumed the remainder of the can of barley wine, having taken out the small amount required for the pudding. Then there was the strange incident with the kettle. I have had this ‘on the Rayburn’ kettle for a while. It does have a – very stiff – lid but I normally fill it down the spout. Strangely, when I poured water out of it, it was accompanied by bits of paper. Fortunately I was pouring hot water into the sink and not into someone’s tea at the time. Further investigation revealed that I had been using the kettle for some time without having removed the handily provided instructions from its innerds. The first line of said instructions was probably something along the lines of ‘remove these instructions from your kettle’. If they hadn’t been reduced to soggy pieces I could have told you. I remember firing up my first computer only to be greeted by Mr Hewlett Packard telling me how to get my computer out of its box – similar sort of thing really.
Then there was the trip with Martha to Cotehele to see the Christmas garland. This involved putting petrol in the car. Be kind to me, I haven’t had this car all that long. I drove up to the pump and yes I even had the right side of the car nearest the pump. I nonchalantly fiddled with the key to the petrol cap, for a very long time, without success. I looked round furtively and then drove off with no more petrol than when I’d arrived, hoping I wasn’t caught on CCTV and about to be done for driving away. Not that I had driven away with anything of course. Fortunately Martha fixed the problem – just required more brute force than I was using.